4 steps to find a partner to grow old with

Dear Jubey,

I am in my early 30’s and suddenly all of my friends have coupled up. I never expected to be single and searching at this stage of my life. I have had a couple of broken hearts and I feel that I will never find the right person for me. Whenever I am dating someone, they always seem to want less than me and I am left feeling rejected. Now I feel like I am also losing my friends as they spend more of their time with their partners. I am wondering whether I will ever find anyone that will truly love me. I feel lonely and sad. Do you have any advice for me?  

Broken hearted

Dear Broken Hearted,

If we can find the person that we want to grow old with, somehow, the rest of our lives become more manageable. We are uplifted by the togetherness that comes from standing next to a person with a shared view of the future. When we get it right, the commitment of having someone saying “I am with you” can give us the strength to follow our dreams. That kind of relationship is on the way to you.

1 . Celebrate love

Have your friends found the kind of love that you are looking for? What can you see in their relationships that you would like for yourself? Look for examples of happy couples around you. Then instead of feeling envious of what they have that you don’t, appreciate the love that those couples demonstrate. Celebrate every time you see a happy couple walking down the street or a friend talks about their partner fondly. Love is all around you and ready for the taking. Say to yourself “if they can have it, then it exists, and if it exists, it can exist for me too.” Love is closer than you think. Trust that it is coming for you.

2. Know what you value  

What do you value in life? What do you want to achieve? How do you want to do it? You don’t need to have a life plan mapped out but you do need to know what is important to you.

Before I met my husband, I knew that I valued my career and that I wanted to spend as much of my life as possible travelling the world. I knew that I wanted a family and I wanted to feel safe and secure financially.

When you take the time to articulate what you value, you will begin to recognise those values in others. You will stop falling for partners that will hurt you, or you will hurt, because your view will be elevated to those that share your values.  

When you meet a person that aligns with your values, you will know that you have found someone you can grow old with. There is no doubt. There are no games. You will never be waiting for your phone to ring. You will be with someone who treats people the way you want to be treated.

3. Visualize  

 Now that you know what you are looking for, start imagining that you have already found it. Have fun envisioning a shared life with your partner. Feel all the joy of falling in love and sharing your life with a partner. This step shifts your energy from “lonely and sad” to “happy and ready for love”.

4. Live a great big single life  

When your relationship manifests, you will never again make a decision that doesn’t consider your partner’s interests. So, while you are waiting for your perfect partner to show up in your life, use this time to selfishly live your biggest life. If you were in your lifelong relationship tomorrow, what would you wish you had done now? Take risks. Do new things. Live big.

And when you find the partner that you will grow old with, which I know is soon, please scream your happiness from the roof tops. Tell everyone around you, so that they can see an example of the great love that is out there for them too.  

With much love,

Jubey

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